I recently took my neighbor's kids out for ice cream. I wanted to give my neighbor a break from taking care of his invalid wife, after her bizarre squirrel-related accident.
I was there when it happened. I was at the neighbor's house, when I heard all the thumping and yelling and moaning as Susan bounced down the stairs. I found her laying at the bottom of the stairs, twisted in a really weird position. I guess she was carrying that basket of dirty clothes down the stairs, and it blocked her view from seeing that darn squirrel. She must have tripped over him and tumbled down the rest of the way. There was dirty clothes laying all over the place. Odd how it happened just after I had let myself into their back door to borrow a cup of laundry detergent.
Well, after taking enough footage for a kick-ass Youtube video, I called 911. An ambulance arrived and took her to the hospital. Trying my best to be helpful, I waited for their kids to get home from school. And just four gin and tonics later, I broke the news to them. They cried and cried and just wouldn't stop, so I sent them to their rooms until they could behave themselves. I waited there to tell Bob, and he got home from work just five gin and tonics later.
So a couple of weeks after Sally was back home from the hosptial, I offered to take the kids to Dairy Queen. We went to find Bob, and after the kids begged and pleaded long enough, he relented and let me take them.
When we got to Dairy Queen, it was packed. There were two tables left, and one was out of commission. It had a sign saying "Please avoid sitting at this table".
We took the other table.
Not long after we sat down, another family arrived, ordered ice cream, and then looked around for a place to sit. The father looked really surly, and his kids were being real jerks, so I didn't feel bad for them in the slightest.
All they could do was sit at the bad table. They started eating their ice cream. The father glared at the kids to get them to be quiet, and right after that, those snot-nosed little brats started shoving ice cream into their mouths.
It wasn't long before we found out what was wrong with that table. All of a sudden we heard a really weird noise, followed by screaming, followed by chewing, and finally swallowing. We looked around trying to figure out what it was, and finally noticed that the bad table was empty again.
Then we heard a loud burb from the direction of that table.
We decided we would finish our ice cream outside.