My Andrewland Diary - May 2016

Jne 3, 2016, Friday

I really had to blow my nose. Not a tissue in site. But there is my furry little dog. And fur is waterproof, isn't it?

"Here Fido. Come here little guy."

Just then my wife walked into the room

June 4, 2016, Saturday

Today I am cleaning out my garage. I found that half of the floor space was taken up by cardboard and plastic that needs to be recycled. I can't believe I let it get that bad.

June 10, 2016, Friday

I was abducted by space aliens and shown the future. I am not allowed to share anything, but starting to work on plans for my doomsday compound are more urgent than ever. Mark this date on your calendars. August 17, 2030.

June 12, 2016, Sunday

I am ready to start getting healthy, and I will with a regular diet and exercise.

My goals are:

  1. lose 30 pounds
  2. never have blood glucose over 120 after a meal
  3. Fasting of 70 would be nice
  4. World domination as time allows.

June 14, 2016, Tuesday

I have started planning my doomsday compound. I am working on an application for admittance. To get in, you have to have a skill. Being used for target practice counts.

I have a hobby designing dungeons. I stock them with the usual shackles and ropes and whips and such. I was at the dentist today and heard the dentist drilling a tooth. That gave me vast new ideas for my dungeons.

June 15, 2016, Wednesday

Today is national Hug A Zombie day.

Try not to get bitten.

June 16, 2016, Thursday

I just submitted a patent application for Pet Cork. It is a housebreaking aid for pets.

June 19, 2016, Sunday

Are you a zombie? Tired of all the chasing people down. Eating their brains. And shambling off to find the next victim? Then join Zombies Anonymous. We meet every Thursday. Free coffee. Snacks provided (this week it is some guy named Bob).

June 25, 2016, Saturday

There we were at Golden Corral. We had a wonderful meal, having seconds and thirds of everything. And then dessert. We must have had one of everything at that dessert bar.

Just as we were having our last bite of pie or cake or whatever, a horde of zombies crashed through the door.

Most of the time, zombies shamble around wanting brains, brains, brains. These must have been mutant zombies, because they wanted spleens. I have no idea what a spleen is, but I knew I wanted to keep mine. So we started towards the door.

We were getting close to escaping, when two zombies got in the way. We were lucky, there was a mother with two children near us. I picked up one of the kids.and hurled him towards the zombies. They fell upon him, and that was all the distraction we needed. We got away with our spleens intact.

© 2016, Rotramel Industries